You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
