with your own penis?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
