why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Who died my cat blue again?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
