He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
