C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
