so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
