I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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