he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
