i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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