Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
