I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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