Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
