I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A bitchslap is in order.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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