the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
