you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
