the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's shark week go big or go home
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
