who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
