It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
