Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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