i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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