I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
