About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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