your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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