Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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