Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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