I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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