Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
