I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
