I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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