all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
