my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
