ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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