So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
