I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
