I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
