to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
