i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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