i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
