Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
