no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
