Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize