So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
