I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
