omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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