Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
