he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
