she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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