I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
