The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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