Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
