everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
