hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
