If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
