I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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