I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
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The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
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80% sure the drag queens carried her home
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
