Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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