Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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