My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
