They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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