I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
