I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
