i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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