dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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