I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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