I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
