she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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