i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
