You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
