I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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