Barsexuality is the new black.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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