In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
