This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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