party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
