i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
